saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
