Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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