You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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