It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
