You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
