I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
