Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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