Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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