That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
