I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
