Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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