...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
