So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
