I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
