I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
