I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
