are you so shy because you have an std?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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