i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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