i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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