Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
