We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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