I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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