Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Pooping to opera.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
