Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
