I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
