I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
