Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
