so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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