I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
