so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
