Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
