She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
