Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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