Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
