If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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