I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
