I'm going to rape someone's good day.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
