Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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