At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Randomize
