Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize