I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
