I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
