dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
