sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so let's talk penis.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
