She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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