He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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