david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
