Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
