everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
