I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
