Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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