peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
